Monika - Chapter 8

The hotel room was dark when Monika returned there later that evening. Ludwig had been reading in bed when she left, but had apparently decided to turn in for the night while she was away. She closed the door as gently as possible behind her, hoping to not disturb him. Rather than waiting for her eyes to adjust, she stumbled about in the blackness for a few moments as she searched for the duffel bag she had used to transport her clothing. During this time, she heard her male counterpart begin to stir.

“You’re back,” he said.

“Sheisse, did I wake you?” she asked in a half-whisper.

“No, you’re fine; I had just turned out the light before you came in. What held you up?”

“The whole thing was a setup.”

“A setup?”

Able to clearly see different objects now, Monika located her bag and unzipped it. She reached inside it and groped around until she found what felt like her pajamas, as she couldn’t quite make out different colors. Pulling out what she believed to be them, she stepped into the bathroom to change but kept the door open in order to continue the conversation. She didn’t exactly want to drop it after that comment.

“Remember when I mentioned the thing about the gondolas at the restaurant yesterday?” she asked him, speaking at her normal volume now. “Well, apparently Feli decided it was necessary to spring a surprise gondola ride on me. The whole thing about Daisy leaving her sunglasses behind was just a way to get me back there.”

“And you went along with it?”

“I couldn’t really say no after they went through all the trouble just to get me there. Feli said he’s wanted to take me ever since I mentioned it, but I have to wonder how much of it is Daisy’s doing as well. She’s really pushing the whole ‘Feli and I are meant for each other’ idea. She even stayed behind so it was just me and Feli in the gondola.”

Ludwig did not have much to say in response to this, so he stayed quiet. He could almost feel Monika’s internal conflict, but he preferred to stay out of it. Meanwhile, he watched her dark figure come out of the bathroom and place her day clothes neatly into her bag before she lay down in her bed on the left side of the room. Both lay still in their respective beds for several moments, waiting to see if the other would continue the conversation or if that was the end of it. Eventually, Monika spoke up again.

“I just don’t know what to do, Ludwig,” she said. She didn’t bother masking the near desperation in her voice. “I don’t fall for people, especially this quickly.”

Ludwig bit his lip in thought and formulated his words carefully. This was turning into a rather sensitive topic, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He decided the best approach would be to speak gently but in a straightforward way.

“I am not going answer that for you,” he told her, trying to not make a big deal out of the fact that she had basically just confessed her feelings for Feli to him (not that it had really been any secret to him, since he could read her so well.) “Your feelings and your relationships are your business, so I’m not going to say what you should and should not do. We’re going to be around for quite some time, so you don’t have to do anything at all right now; you have all the time you need to sort things out. You should know, however, that if you do decide to be with him, that he is an extremely loyal friend and would likely be an extremely loyal partner. Just don’t do it only because Daisy says you should.” He paused, and then as an afterthought, added, “And don’t not do it just because Lovino wouldn’t approve.”

“Hmm, I see what you’re saying. Danke, Ludwig; those are some good things to keep in mind. I just hope that Feliciano knows the same thing. About doing it or not doing because someone said so, I mean.”

“Ja, I worry about that, too. He’s a good guy, but he can be a real pushover.”

“He is a good guy,” Monika agreed. “You know, it’s funny… how is it that it took until now for me to meet him? You and Daisy had met two or three times before now.”

“I believe that entirely your fault,” Ludwig stated. He said it in a matter-of-fact sort of tone, but retained a hint of amusement in his voice as he did not want her to take it the wrong way.  “I don’t mean to sound harsh, Monika, but I offered to introduce the two of you before, and you would always make up some excuse about how busy you were and would have to meet him some other time. After a while, I just stopped asking.”

“Well, I was busy!” she replied, matching his tone of voice. “Not that I couldn’t have set the work aside for later, I suppose. Thinking back on it now, it probably was more of an excuse than anything, but it isn’t like I didn’t have things to do and deadlines to meet, and so I used that as a way to justify not meeting him. I think I was just afraid of having a second Daisy in my life, to be perfectly honest. I haven’t always been as close to her as I am now; she just sort of clung to me at first, and was more of a nuisance than anything. I didn’t want to risk Feli doing the same thing.”

“He just did it to me instead,” Ludwig said with a small laugh. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up over his shoulder, and snuggled deeper into the pillow, ready to call it quits for real now. “In any case, the two of you know each other now, so none of those things really matter anymore. We should get some sleep—travel is hard enough even on a good night’s rest.”

“I agree… Oh, hey Ludwig?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple weeks ago—the day after the last meeting, I think—when you said you’d be there if I needed to talk about anything?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you for listening to me tonight.”

“You’re welcome. Goodnight, Monika.”

“Goodnight.”

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It did not often take Feliciano very long to fall asleep, but tonight he lay in his own bed just as wide awake and restless as Monika. He couldn’t keep the thoughts from plaguing his mind. When he had returned home, Daisy informed him that his brother had returned a few minutes before, and wasn’t exactly happy to hear that Feliciano had gone out with Monika somewhere. This was to be expected, no doubt, but it made him worry about how Lovino may continue to react to them spending time together.

Of course Feli had dealt with a lot of crap from his brother for some time already, given his friendship with Ludwig, but he wondered if he would hear it twice as much due to his relationship with Monika, especially if their relationship became something more than just friends.

And that led to another question: would they become more than friends? For a minute, it seemed as though they would. She kissed him on the cheek, after all. She claimed that it had only been friendly, however, and even apologized for it. He just didn’t know what to make of that. He wanted to believe she wasn’t lying to him, but he didn’t know if he could really believe her. Then again, maybe he just didn’t want to believe her because of his own feelings. Even just thinking about her gave him butterflies in his stomach.

Maybe she did like him and didn’t want to admit it. Ludwig had never been one to admit things very quickly—but he didn’t want to assume that was the case with her just because of how her counterpart acted.

He wondered if Lovino was still awake. He had already been in the guest room when Feliciano came back, and Feliciano decided that perhaps it was best to leave him alone and head up to his own bedroom for the night. Maybe by morning, his brother would forget all about the whole gondola ride thing. Or perhaps he would just wait for some moment when he could bring it up again that would somehow make Feli feel bad about it. The younger Italian could just see it now. “Oh, well, why don’t you go ask the potato bitch? You seem to like her well enough, since you took her out on a sunset gondola ride or whatever.” It’s not like he hadn’t done something like that before.

All this contemplating made his brain hurt. He rolled over into a new position and began to sing an old Italian lullaby to himself, determined to push any and all thoughts out of his mind so he could finally get some sleep. It didn’t have an immediate effect, but after some time he did begin to feel a bit sleepy. After that, it took all but a few minutes for him to finally drift off.