Monika - Chapter 10

Feliciano paced around his bedroom.

It had been approximately two and a half weeks since the last meeting, after which he and Monika had gone out to dinner. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about their relationship ever since then. He could live with knowing his feelings for her would never be returned; the problem was that he couldn’t for the life of him figure out how she felt. She continued to send him mixed messages, and not knowing if she actually had feelings for him was starting to drive him crazy.

He took a seat on his bed and stared across the room at his cellphone, which sat on his desk. He wanted to call her and ask. It wasn’t that hard to just pick up the phone and do it. That’s what he tried to tell himself, at least, but of course those types of things are much easier said than done.

He stood again, and continued pacing.

He knew she could never resent him for being honest, even if she didn’t have feelings towards him. She would at least appreciate that he had not kept his emotions a secret. He also knew that he would never regret telling her, no matter how she responded, because at least then it would be off his chest. Therefore, he really had nothing to lose in the situation.

He glanced at his phone once again and decided to just go for it. Without thinking about it too hard or for too long, he hurried over to his desk, picked up his phone, found Monika’s number in his contacts list, and hit dial before giving himself the chance to change his mind.

He took a few slow, shaky breaths as he listened to the ringing on the other end. He kept expecting her to answer after each ring, but she always failed to do so. He eventually reached her voicemail, at which point he realized he hadn’t made a plan for what to do in such a situation. Having only a few seconds to think while the automated recording played, he began with a simple, generic greeting as soon as he heard the beep.

“Hi Monika; it’s Feli. I just wanted to call and talk for a bit, um…”

Oh crap, he didn’t know what to say after that! He should have just hung up, planned out what he wanted to say, and then called back—but it was too late now. The message had already begun recording. He decided that since he didn’t just want to end it there, a straightforward approach seemed best.

“Look, I… I really like you, and that probably doesn’t even come as a shock considering I’m kind of bad at keeping my feelings secret. I wanted to tell you sooner but I can’t tell what you’re feeling since I seem to be getting some mixed messages. I guess what I want to know is where we stand—in our relationship, I mean. If you could call me back that would be good, but don’t feel pressured about responding right away if you have to think about it. Also I won’t be mad if you say you just want to be friends. I just need to know so I can stop thinking about it all the time. Grazie, talk to you later.”

Feliciano flopped downwards onto his bed once more, this time while letting out a heavy sigh. He tossed his phone to the side, hoping Monika would call back soon and yet somehow still dreading the moment when she would. He felt somewhat relieved in the sense that he had finally said something, but overall he didn’t feel much better.  He now had to deal with this new anxiety that waiting for her response had brought him.

The call came sooner than he expected—within the hour, in fact. His heart skipped a beat when his phone went off. He suspected it was her the moment it started ringing, which the caller I.D. confirmed. He let it ring a moment for a couple of reasons: one, it allowed him to mentally prepare himself to answer, and two, it made it seem as though he hadn’t been practically right on top of his phone anticipating her call (because who would ever do such a thing, right?)

“Hello,” he finally said.

“Hey, I got your message. Is your computer on?”

“Uh… yeah, it is,” he replied, glancing in the direction of his laptop, which sat open on one side of his desk. “Why?”

“Get on Skype. I want to have this conversation face-to-face.”

---

“Alright, so, who do you think should start?” Feliciano asked a few minutes later, now addressing the Monika on his screen.

“Well, since you called me, why don’t you?” Monika suggested. Although she would have preferred to have this conversation in person, she wasn’t going to wait until she could see him again to reply, so she settled for the next best thing. It was certainly better having him think that she was either ignoring him or that she hadn’t gotten the message.

“I guess I don’t really have much to say, I kind of said it all in the voicemail.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a bit uncomfortable with the current situation. His skin felt warm to the touch, which didn’t surprise him as he could also feel the tips of his ears beginning to turn hot. “All I really want to know is how you feel about me.”

“I… I don’t know,” she told him truthfully, having hesitated a few moments before speaking. “I think I do have some feelings towards you, but the idea of a relationship makes me… uncomfortable, I suppose you could say. I haven’t been in one in a very long time. That dinner a couple weeks ago was the closest thing I’ve had to a date in probably almost a century. I’m not even exaggerating.”

“I believe you,” Feliciano assured her.

“On top of that, I’m not sure whether a romantic relationship would be without risk, or appropriate for that matter. It’s not like it happens between nations all the time.”

“True, it isn’t common, but we wouldn’t be the first. I’m not trying to force you into anything by saying this, but you probably should know that we wouldn’t be alone in this. Feliks and Toris—male Poland and Lithuania, as you probably know them—have been in a relationship for years.”

“They have?” Her posture straightened, and she blinked a few times. She had not been aware of that. It made sense that she would not have known, as she hadn’t yet come to know many of the male nations that well, and thinking on it for a few moments did change her perspective on the issue a bit.

“Yep. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“I trust that you wouldn’t, Feli.”

That was another thing: trust. She had never been one to trust people quickly, but she felt as though she could trust Feliciano. It just seemed so out of character to do so, considering they had only known each other for roughly two and a half months. It usually took much longer than that for her to place her complete trust in someone, and yet she probably would not even think twice when it came to him.

“Like I said in my message, don’t feel pressured into deciding how you feel if you have to think about it for a while,” Feliciano said after Monika had remained silent for quite some time.

“What do you see in me?” she asked softly. Despite trusting Feliciano and being less concerned than she had been initially about how they would be perceived if they did become a couple, she still hesitated at the idea of being in a relationship. Perhaps that was what drove her to change the subject so suddenly. It was as if she needed reassurance that dating him would be the right thing.

Feliciano seemed almost taken aback, surprised that she would even ask such a question.

“Well, I… I like everything about you!” he told her. “I know that probably sounds like what I’m supposed to say, but it’s true! It isn’t just one thing. I’m drawn to you as a whole person.”

“I suppose that makes sense…” she said. “So, say we did, you know, start a relationship. Would you mind if we kept it to ourselves, at least for a while? Of course, telling people would eventually become inevitable, but I don’t think I would be willing to just go shouting it to the world, either.”

“Of course! Although, I don’t think we should keep Daisy in the dark for too long. Or Ludwig. But Daisy especially—she should be the first to know.”

“I agree, Daisy has—“

Monika stopped mid-sentence when she heard a commotion out in the hallway. “Commotion,” she felt, was truly the correct word in this situation, as it quite accurately described the sound of Julchen coming down the hallway to see her, most likely for the purpose of being obnoxious. Even Feliciano could hear her shouting German in the background. Sure enough, a few moments later, the Prussian came bursting into the room with all of her might.

“Ever heard of knocking?!” Monika snapped, irritated by this sudden invasion of privacy.
“I don’t think that word is in my vocabulary,” Julchen replied, feigning innocence. Then she noticed Feliciano. “What’s this, talking to your boyfriend?” she teased, switching to English in order to target them both. She expected instant backlash from Monika and extreme embarrassment from both of them, but instead, the pair fell quiet. She didn’t know what to think for a moment, especially when the two exchanged glances. She saw the silent communication between them, but couldn’t quite read it.

“So much for Daisy being the first to know,” Monika finally mumbled.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you’re legit dating?!” Julchen exclaimed. “I never thought I would see the day! I mean I guess I knew there was something there, but I never expected you to actually act on it! Here I was thinking you were gonna be all unawesome towards poor Feli, who clearly likes you, and—“

“We get the idea,” Monika interrupted her. “Just don’t go around telling everyone please. We want to only let a few people know for now.”

“Of course, of course! No need to worry. Look, I know I can be douchey sometimes, but I know my boundaries and I’m not going to overstep them in this case. So, can I ask how long?”

“A few seconds,” Feliciano spoke up, laughing bashfully.

“It basically happened right before you burst into the room,” Monika added.

“Well, that is quite awesome if I do say so myself. I would say next on your list of things to do should be to schedule a flight to Venice, don’t you think so Feli?”

“Oh yeah! We did talk about seeing each other before. If you aren’t too busy, Monika, we should think about doing that.”

“I agree, although why don’t you come here instead? Do you think you can manage that?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not! How long should I stay?”

“Stay as long as you want!” Julchen jumped in. “I can even make myself invisible the entire time, if that’s what you two need.”

“Somehow I doubt you’d be capable of doing that for long,” Monika grumbled. “In any case, do you mind? I would prefer to speak with Feliciano alone.”

“Yeah, whatever, I don’t really care. I want to get back to the game anyway, and commercials should be just about over. I actually came in to tell you that we scored.”

“That’s nice. I’ll probably come out to watch it with you in a while but right now I care more about other things.

“Alright then, have fun chatting with your new boyfriend!”

Finally, after that last, teasing comment, Julchen left the room with a parting wave.

“What a pain,” Monika sighed. “But she is correct. You are more than welcome to stay for as long as you need to. I assume you would be staying with Ludwig?”

“That seems most likely. I guess I’ll get into contact with him and find out what works best, and then we can go from there. And actually, if you don’t mind, I would kind of like it if only he picked me up at the airport. That way I can tell him about us in person without it being all awkward.”

“That sounds perfectly acceptable to me. But if you’re going to tell him, then you should let me be the one to tell Daisy.”

“Go right ahead! Do you want me to let you go so you can call her? I would like to get in touch with Ludwig as soon as possible.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll let you know how it goes next time we talk.”

“Okay then! See you soon.”

“See you later, Feli.”

Monika ended the Skype call and leaned back in her chair. Staring up at the ceiling, she exhaled a large amount of air and let her thoughts wash over her as she took in everything that had been said in that conversation. She truly believed that she had made the correct decision in being with Feliciano. That being said, she didn’t know where to go from here. Should she act differently around him? Probably not, since he liked her as her normal self. Their relationship would be changing, though. Would she feel differently when she saw him in person? And how would she react to said feelings?

None of that could be answered right away. She would have to wait and see. In the meantime, she decided it would probably be best to inform her best friend of the recent change in relationship status.

The phone only rang twice before Daisy answered.

“Ciao!”

“Hey, do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Well,” Monika began, “I had a little chat with Feli tonight.”

“And?”

“And… I thought you might want to know about it.”

“Go on,” the Italian pressed.

“He left me a message earlier saying that he had feelings for me, and so I called him back and told him we should talk over Skype. So we did, and we discussed some things, and we decided to give the whole relationship thing a try.”

The other end of the phone fell silent. Dead silent. Monika didn’t know what to make of that, having expected the exact opposite reaction. She had thought that if her relationship with Feliciano ever did come to this and it came time for her to tell Daisy, said Italian would be bouncing off the walls squealing and fangirling. Perhaps their call had been dropped, and that’s why she couldn’t hear anything.

“…Daisy?”

“Are you serious?”

Her tone came across as surprisingly calm.

“Ja. Are you… you aren’t upset, are you? I would have expected—”

“Monika, that’s really great! I’m so happy for you. For both of you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I’m just not shocked, is all.”

“Haha, alright then. I managed to get a good reaction out of Julchen, though.”

“Oh wow, really? What did she do?”

“She made some joke about Feli being my boyfriend and we just sort of stared at each other until I finally said ‘So much for Daisy being the first to know.’ And you really were supposed to be, but she decided to burst into the room and announce that our team scored right as we had more or less decided to be together.”

“That is quite hilarious,” Daisy said, laughing as she played through the scene in her mind and trying to imagine what it must have been like.

“Anyway, that is all I really wanted to say. He’s probably going to come for a visit at some point but we’re still working out the details.”

“That’s awesome! I really am happy for you guys. Let me know when anything exciting happens, okay?”

“We’ll see—can’t guarantee you’ll get all the details.  So I’ll call you again a few days, ja?”

“Sure. Talk to you then.”

Daisy hung up the phone, and then set it down slowly on the coffee table in front of her. Having thought ahead, she knew that if Monika ever came to her with this news, she didn’t want to overreact. Surely it seemed unlike her to be so calm, but she decided that in this case, a mature response would be the best option.

Since they were no longer speaking, however, and because it had actually been quite difficult for her to contain her excitement, she decided to let it all out at once.

“YES! FINALLY!” she exclaimed, springing up from the couch she had been sitting on and jumping up and down. She then proceeded to skip about the living room, flailing her arms around and babbling excitement in a mix of Italian and English. “I can’t believe they actually did it! Yay, I’m so happy!”

She continued this behavior until she ran out of breath, even though she recognized how crazy she seemed (especially considering she was in her house alone and spouting nonsense to no one in particular.) After all, it was about damn time.